This just in: Jesus the Christ of Nazareth, Israel, offers forgiveness to anyone who decides to follow him.
Yes, that’s right. In an oft-cited Scriptural passage from The Bible, Jesus, age 33∞, is quoted as saying, “love will cover a multitude of sins.” Speculation is that Jesus must mean this love will take care of things like lying about who stole the cookie from the cookie jar and stealing a four year old’s nose.
Greed, malice, envy, lust, and enjoying early 2000s rock band Creed are presumably lumped into this possibly large category.
Some skeptics remain dubious. “What remains to be seen is if unforgiveable people will be included in Christ’s statement. I assume people will lump ax murderers and dirty politicians with many others who won’t be considered,” claimed Harold Nobuddy of St. Petersburg, FL.
Christ could not be reached for further comment. Church officials say the quote stands for itself.
Experts conclude that this quote is rarely taken literally in a person’s life, however, since most live their lives like they are unaware of its true meaning.
*OK, you busted me. The verse is actually found in 1 Peter 4:8. BUUUUT, Petey was one of Jesus’ BFFs so it’s pretty much just like Jesus said it.